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The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which
they were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The following were some of the winning entries:
Abdicate --v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash --n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Burglesque -- A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Bustard --n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma --n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Circumvent --n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee --n., a person who is coughed upon.
Dopeler effect -- The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Esplanade --v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted --adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence --n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Foreploy -- Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Frisbatarianism --n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Gargoyle --n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Giraffiti -- Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Glibido -- All talk and no action.
Hipatitis -- Terminal coolness.
Inoculatte -- To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Intaxication -- Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Karmageddon -- It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Lymph --v., to walk with a lisp.
Marionettes --n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Negligent --adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Osteopornosis -- A degenerate disease.
Oyster --n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude --n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Reintarnation -- Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Sarchasm -- The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Tatyr -- A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Testicle --n., a humorous question on an exam.
Willy-nilly --adj., impotent.
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